Words are important.
It's been said, "'Sorry' means you won't do it again." Until recently, this phase has always bothered me because it restricts the word to a single defenition, but it's a golden defenition and should be more prominent, not less. Let's pick apart why.
There are three ways I use the word sorry:
- Sorry - an empty expression of socially obligated guilt, meaningless apology, or wholly unnecessary apology. Ex: "Sorry you had to wait so long."
- Sorry - a heartfelt apology. An expression of guilt or shame for inappropriate or harmful thoughts, attitudes or behavior(s) with intent to correct or change them. Ex: "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
- Sorry - an expression of sympathy for something someone else is going through. Ex: "I'm sorry that happened."
I saw a meme a while back that stuck with me that illustrated how to approach the word sorry differently. The change I'm making is being more selective in how I use the first type of sorry by trying to say "thank you" instead of "sorry." "Sorry you had to wait." / "Thank you for your patience." I love taking opportunities to change reactive statements into intentional responses. And the positive spin on a previously negative focus is a plus too. I love love love this application. I can't encourage this enough.
The second example is really at the heart of the word "sorry" and why we have it in our vocabulary. "Sorry means you won't do it again." The gospel of change is a beautiful thing and at the very core of progress and growth. While socially acceptable, and even helpful in some cases, saying "sorry" shouldn't be so diluted by types one and three, but I can't help but notice it is. "Sorry" should mean something - something more. Something special. Let's address changes in vocabulary for type three.
"I'm sorry you're going through this." is an excellent phrase and I don't want to take away from the value this brings in sympathizing with others. I do, however, think varying it from time to time with a little more expression would go a long way in connecting and empathizing with others. "That is (name emotion or expression) I feel you." Or if you can't actually relate, "I can't relate on the same level, but I accept you feel the way you do. I'm here for you." When appropriate, or in addition to, there is a lot of power in simply being there without saying anything. Maybe a hug. Reaching out for their hand. Keeping a hand on their leg so they can feel your support, your physical presence without saying anything at all. The minute you pull away or the longer you go without physical contact, the less connected and available.
Lets all do what we can to keep the word "sorry" sacred on our lips and retain meaning when we do use it.
Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.
