How-to: Overcome Temptation

 How To Overcome Temptation

There have been times where I've felt like I am tempted "above that which [I] can bear." (Alma  13:28)Though common, these kinds of thoughts and feelings indicate that repentance is needed and that I am living far beneath my privileges as a child of God. I am not without help in overcoming temptations. In fact, ancient and modern-day prophets confirm there are many ways I can help myself by turning to the Lord and letting God prevail in my life more fully. 

 

Be Humble and Prayerful

Humility and continual prayer restrict Satan's ability to tempt me more than I can bear.

If I am prideful and/or do not call upon God, temptations can become unbearable. They might even seem irresistible. If I find myself thinking, "I didn't want to, but I couldn't seem to help myself," or "The devil made me do it," it's a good indicator that humility and prayer are in order.

28 But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering;

Alma 13:28

Book of Mormon

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/13?lang=eng&verse=28#p28

The "way to escape" is through humility and prayer.

13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

New Testament

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/1-cor/10?lang=eng&verse=13#p13

Pray, pray, pray.

5 Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work.

Doctrine and Covenants 10:5

Doctrine and Covenants

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/10?lang=eng&verse=5#p5

 

No temptation is too great.

With the help of the Holy Ghost, we can watch over ourselves. We can pray to recognize and reject the first thoughts of sin. We can pray to recognize a warning not to speak words which would hurt or tempt someone else. And we can, when we must, pray for the humility and the faith to repent.

There will surely be some who hear my voice who will have this thought come into their minds: “But the temptations are too great for me. I have resisted as long as I can. For me, the commandments are too hard. The standard is too high.”

That is not so. The Savior is our Advocate with the Father. He knows our weaknesses. He knows how to succor those who are tempted.

As a Child

April 2006

2000–2009

Henry B. Eyring

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2006/04/as-a-child?lang=eng&verse=#p

Put Distance Between the Temptation and You

When temptation persists, or when I find myself in impossible circumstances, I can put distance between myself and the temptation.

Joseph shows gratitude for all he has. He cares more about what God thinks than what others think. He persists to resist repeated advances. When he was alone and the odds were stacked against him, he fled and removed himself from the situation.

7 ¶ And it came to pass after these things, that his master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.

8 But he refused, and said unto his master’s wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand;

9 There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?

10 And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her.

11 And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within.

12 And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.

Genesis 39:7-12

Old Testament

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/gen/39?lang=eng&verse=7&context=7-12#p7

Heeding promptings will protect me.

The promptings that come to us to flee evil reflect our Heavenly Father’s understanding of our particular strengths and weaknesses and His awareness of the unforeseen circumstances of our lives. When these promptings come, they will not generally stop us in our tracks, for the Spirit of God does not speak with a voice of thunder. The voice will be as soft as a whisper, coming as a thought to our minds or a feeling in our hearts. By heeding its gentle promptings, we will be protected from the destructive consequences of sin.

To Act for Ourselves: The Gift and Blessings of Agency

April 2006

2000–2009

Robert D. Hales

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2006/04/to-act-for-ourselves-the-gift-and-blessings-of-agency?lang=eng&verse=#p

Confront Satan

There is a pattern for telling Satan to get lost.

1. Remember who I am. I am a child of the Almighty God. I can judge between right and wrong, between good and evil. Resolve to choose God.
2. Name the commandment associated with struggle. Call Satan out in his purpose, tell him to leave and that you will keep the Lord’s commandments.
3. If the temptation persists, call on the Lord for strength and repeat that he must depart.
4. If after the second command the temptation remains, command him in the name of the Only Begotten to depart, and he will depart.
5. Acknowledge the Holy Ghost and bear record of the Father and the Son and express gratitude.

How does one bear record?

By testifying. When testimony is expressed verbally or written down it is also recorded in heaven and sins are forgiven.

 

D&C 6:3

3 Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you, and your sins are forgiven you

 

12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, Satan came tempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?

14 For behold, I could not look upon God, except his glory should come upon me, and I were transfigured before him. But I can look upon thee in the natural man. Is it not so, surely?

15 Blessed be the name of my God, for his Spirit hath not altogether withdrawn from me, or else where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God; for God said unto me: Worship God, for him only shalt thou serve.

16 Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten.

17 And he also gave me commandments when he called unto me out of the burning bush, saying: Call upon God in the name of mine Only Begotten, and worship me.

18 And again Moses said: I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him: for his glory has been upon me, wherefore I can judge between him and thee. Depart hence, Satan.

19 And now, when Moses had said these words, Satan cried with a loud voice, and ranted upon the earth, and commanded, saying: I am the Only Begotten, worship me.

20 And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.

21 And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God, saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan.

22 And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.

23 And now of this thing Moses bore record; but because of wickedness it is not had among the children of men.

24 And it came to pass that when Satan had departed from the presence of Moses, that Moses lifted up his eyes unto heaven, being filled with the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of the Father and the Son;

25 And calling upon the name of God, he beheld his glory again, for it was upon him; and he heard a voice, saying: Blessed art thou, Moses, for I, the Almighty, have chosen thee, and thou shalt be made stronger than many waters; for they shall obey thy command as if thou wert God.

26 And lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days; for thou shalt deliver my people from bondage, even Israel my chosen.

Moses 1:12-26

Pearl of Great Price

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/pgp/moses/1?lang=eng&verse=12&context=12-26#p12

The adversary must depart if I tell him to.

Today I want to convey, in absolutely certain terms, that the adversary cannot make us do anything. He does lie at our door, as the scriptures say, and he follows us each day. Every time we go out, every decision we make, we are either choosing to move in his direction or in the direction of our Savior. But the adversary must depart if we tell him to depart. He cannot influence us unless we allow him to do so, and he knows that! The only time he can affect our minds and bodies—our very spirits—is when we allow him to do so. In other words, we do not have to succumb to his enticements!

To Act for Ourselves: The Gift and Blessings of Agency

April 2006

2000–2009

Robert D. Hales

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2006/04/to-act-for-ourselves-the-gift-and-blessings-of-agency?lang=eng&verse=#p

Unheeded Temptations Fade

As I persist in resisting temptation its pull lessens over time.

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.

James 4:7-8

New Testament

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/james/4?lang=eng&verse=7&context=7-8#p7

 

Our ancient and modern prophets have constantly reminded us to resist temptation in order to avoid losing our spiritual traction and becoming confused, disoriented, and disillusioned in life.

Metaphorically speaking, yielding to temptation is like approaching a magnet with a metal object. The magnet’s invisible force attracts the metal object and holds it tightly. The magnet loses its power over it only when the metal object is placed far from it. Therefore, just as the magnet is unable to exercise power over a faraway metal object, as we resist temptation, it fades away and loses its power over our mind and heart and, consequently, over our actions.

Seek Christ in Every Thought

October 2020

General Conference

Ulisses Soares

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/43soares?lang=eng&verse=#p

 

Study and Heed God's Word

Studying God's Word helps strengthen my faith and emboldens me against temptation.

23 And they said unto me: What meaneth the rod of iron which our father saw, that led to the tree?

24 And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.

1 Nephi 15:23-24

Book of Mormon

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/15?lang=eng&verse=23&context=23-24#p23

 

Through preparation, the Savior grew in power and was able to resist all of Satan’s temptations. As we follow the Savior’s example and prepare through studying the word of God and deepening our faith, we also can draw upon the power of God to resist temptations.

Enduring Power

October 2020

General Conference

Kelly R. Johnson

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/56johnson?lang=eng&verse=#p

 

Make and Keep Covenants

Making and keeping Covenants gives me strength to resist and overcome temptations.

15 Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his commandments, and witness it unto him this day by going into the waters of baptism.

16 And whosoever doeth this, and keepeth the commandments of God from thenceforth, the same will remember that I say unto him, yea, he will remember that I have said unto him, he shall have eternal life, according to the testimony of the Holy Spirit, which testifieth in me.

Alma 7:15-16

Book of Mormon

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/7?lang=eng&verse=15&context=15-16#p15

 

After the Savior received the ordinance of baptism to “fulfil all righteousness” (see 2 Nephi 31:5–6), Satan tempted Him. Likewise, our temptations do not end after baptism or sealing, but receiving the sacred ordinances and honoring the associated covenants fill us with marvelous light and give us strength to resist and overcome temptations.

Saving Ordinances Will Bring Us Marvelous Light

April 2018

2010–2019

Taniela B. Wakolo

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/04/saving-ordinances-will-bring-us-marvelous-light?lang=eng&verse=#p

 

Be Centered in Jesus

Centering my life on the Savior robs temptations of their power.

12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

Helaman 5:12

Book of Mormon

Scriptures

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/hel/5?lang=eng&verse=12#p12

 

Many of you have done what I did: prayed with increased intent, pondered scripture more intently, and tried harder to serve the Lord and others for Him.

The happy result for me, and for many of you, has been what the prophet promised. Those of us who took his inspired counsel to heart have heard the Spirit more distinctly. We have found a greater power to resist temptation and have felt greater faith in a resurrected Jesus Christ, in His gospel, and in His living Church.

Fear Not to Do Good

October 2017

2010–2019

Henry B. Eyring

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2017/10/fear-not-to-do-good?lang=eng&verse=#p

"Sorry" Should Mean Something - Something More

Words are important.

It's been said, "'Sorry' means you won't do it again." Until recently, this phase has always bothered me because it restricts the word to a single defenition, but it's a golden defenition and should be more prominent, not less. Let's pick apart why. 

There are three ways I use the word sorry:

1. Sorry - an empty expression of socially obligated guilt, meaningless apology, or wholly unnecessary apology. Ex: "Sorry you had to wait so long." 
2. Sorry - a heartfelt apology. An expression of guilt or shame for inappropriate or harmful thoughts, attitudes or behavior(s) with intent to correct or change them. Ex: "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." 
3. Sorry - an expression of sympathy for something someone else is going through. Ex: "I'm sorry that happened."

I saw a meme a while back that stuck with me that illustrated how to approach the word sorry differently. The change I'm making is being more selective in how I use the first type of sorry by trying to say "thank you" instead of "sorry." "Sorry you had to wait." / "Thank you for your patience." I love taking opportunities to change reactive statements into intentional responses. And the positive spin on a previously negative focus is a plus too. I love love love this application. I can't encourage this enough. 

The second example is really at the heart of the word "sorry" and why we have it in our vocabulary. "Sorry means you won't do it again." The gospel of change is a beautiful thing and at the very core of progress and growth. While socially acceptable, and even helpful in some cases, saying "sorry" shouldn't be so diluted by types one and three, but I can't help but notice it is. "Sorry" should mean something - something more. Something special. Let's address changes in vocabulary for type three. 

"I'm sorry you're going through this." is an excellent phrase and I don't want to take away from the value this brings in sympathizing with others. I do, however, think varying it from time to time with a little more expression would go a long way in connecting and empathizing with others. "That is (name emotion or expression) I feel you." Or if you can't actually relate, "I can't relate on the same level, but I accept you feel the way you do. I'm here for you." When appropriate, or in addition to, there is a lot of power in simply being there without saying anything. Maybe a hug. Reaching out for their hand. Keeping a hand on their leg so they can feel your support, your physical presence without saying anything at all. The minute you pull away or the longer you go without physical contact, the less connected and available. 

Lets all do what we can to keep the word "sorry" sacred on our lips and retain meaning when we do use it.

Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section. 

Awake: There is Always Hope (Part 3 of 3)

"Stop.. Stop trying to play therapist out there. You're here to focus on you. Figure you out. You do your job, and let me do mine." her words play obsessively in your head that afternoon as you sit alone in your room after a session.

You grow frustrated. All you EVER want, is to be helpful, and your therapist was taking that away too? Firstly, you strongly believe that most mental health issues can best be addressed by NOT focusing inward, but by getting outside of yourself and get invested in the service others! So, "strike one Doc!" you scowl.  Secondly... you trail off.  Actually, secondly, you admit, you don't really know what to do for you. It's easier to figure other people out- for them to talk and for you to listen. But here you are are sitting on your bed just starring at the ceiling with a blank mind, begging for distraction. Anything to keep you from admitting that you too need work. And yet, why? You gain momentum again. Why?! Not even ten minutes into the drive to the behavioral hospital, and you already felt like you didn't need ANY help. You're no longer suicidal. You no longer feel out of control. How did you allow yourself to believe that you needed this? It's simple, you needed a reset, and you got it. Your family needs you! You need them! Ten more minutes, yet just ten minutes that much too late. It would cost you what, at least a week?

*Note: Bipolar can often feel like this - a train without breaks. Like looking back on a train wreck. Once you start spinning out of control (whether manic or depressive or mixed) you just can't help your self. You see the disaster coming, but your brakes don't work. Your family tries, but can't always reach you or break through, and helpless you watch the destruction. You get to look back on your recent decisions and say, "whelp, that happened, and here's the casualty count, and can't go back now, so..." Sigh. Accept. Pick up the pieces. Move through it, and work with the broken pieces.

You anticipate your whole stay here will be a drag. Vitim mentality (you are not the problem, everything else is the problem) sets in strong. You're not gaining anything from groups this time around. Those who you were trying to help before just grate on your nerves now. You almost give in to all your doubts, (this is fake, you're not sick, what a sham, a joke, a...) a light comes on in a group session. You grasp it! Your own holy grail of all wisdom in one lesson! The Five Hierarchy Steps of Motivation from 'Come death, you can't make me' forward to 'external/intrinsic motivations,' and then finally capping at TRANSCENDENTAL COSMIC ILLUMINATORY CONCLUSIVE DISILLUSIONARY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHB!!! See... actually, part of your illness, that's actually pretty common, and in hindsight ranges anywhere from pretty comical to outright discouraging, is thinking you have the cure-all fix-all answer for stuff. You get really excited about it - until you're.. well, not anymore. No really, bipolar folk like you, are often very creative, but have inflated ideas and/or you get bored real quick of your ideas cause you've already got five to ten new, better, more applicable ideas. Some of it has to do with your executive function impairments. Others are often exaggerated by hypo-manic mood states or full blown manic sessions.

Okay, but really you did gain some valuable insight, namely that of trust. You engaged in an activity where individually first, and then later together as a group you discuss and prioritize a list of items from most important to least that might be needed in a coastal rescue mission. You find it's hard to agree on the order of things with your peers and push through disagreements. Later, your answers are compared to the official Coast Guard's ranking, and you find that whether working alone or together as a group your answers aren't any better individually or collectively compared to the expert's ranking. You compare this to working alone on yourself, or in collaboration with others sick like you to find solutions to your sickness, with that of working with an experienced profession and an outside-of-the-problem perspective. You wisely conclude that it's okay to not be okay and to TRUST a wisdom outside your own self. Trust the doctors. Trust the results. And as difficult as it might be for you, trust the drugs and the results a professional working close with you sees in their effect.

You realize that drug dosing and combination, though very important, especially for psychosis, are no replacement for therapy and sound application of knowledge. You find value in a friend's blog that illustrates pain as normal and even needed part of life, but that "despair is not part of God’s plan, and that He will help you overcome it!" You remind yourself again and again that bipolar lows, as real and hopeless as they always feel in their strength, are temporary. You grow stronger in knowing that where there is humility - a grateful acknowledgment of dependence and trust in the Lord - there is always hope.

NOTE:
It's a big pet peeve of mine to start something and not finish it so I'm glad I took some time tonight to finish this last entry of my 2018 experience. Hopefully the 2nd person view wasn't too distracting. I only just noticed that I changed from 3rd person to 1st person between my first and second parts, and figured, why not make the wrench thrown in things work for me. Part one, 3rd person tone, matches the disconnected state of mind I was in. 1st person added an element of owning my experiences once hospitalized. And hopefully 2nd person view has helped bring you more into my shoes for this last bit.

WELLNESS UPDATE:

It's been almost two years since this, my last hospitalization back in 2018. I've made small changes to medications twice since and have enjoyed a wonderful stretch in stability. I've worked semi-regularly throughout with a therapist who's helped me keep much in context. I still experience what I'd call occasional "break-downs" but with the help of my wife and a good support system am able to fully recover within a 24 hour time-frame or less each time, and with some tried and true quality self care have avoided any subsequent hospitalizations. We've come a long way through this! I often feel like it's all in my head and there's nothing actually wrong with me - but I strive to trust the experts, stay humble and grateful, and it has made all the difference.

Poem Analysis: "Spellbound" by Emily Bronte

Spellbound

Emily Brontë, 1818 - 1848

The night is darkening round me,

The wild winds coldly blow;

But a tyrant spell has bound me

And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending

Their bare boughs weighed with snow.

And the storm is fast descending,

And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,

Wastes beyond wastes below;

But nothing drear can move me;

I will not, cannot go.

I've been looking up analysis on other poems, but I've been wanting to just read a poem at face value and let it marinate and then churn out whatever raw analysis comes to me. Part of me is afraid to share my thoughts cause I might be missing the obvious or intended meaning that's common knowledge to other poem fans. But anything more or less would just be deceptive or dishonest so I'll venture. 

First pass (froth to first quarter) initial observations

The first thing that stuck out, were the modalities. Visually darkening, cold sensation of wind on skin. Immobile. Then the metaphor of the tree, human-like but now from physical to maybe more emotional. "yet" as in still - also still. But then again I think the yet holds a quality of persuasion or on-the-fense kind of feel.

"Cannot go" 

From denial "cannot" to contemplating "connot," maybe okay with stillness. To the last stanza - a sense of stretching on forever. Fear couldn't move me if it tried. The surrender. The "cannot" go is not only acceptance but embraced now. I'm spellbound and I'd have it no other way. - - Or the writers frozen to death. You pick.

Second pass. (Spoken)

Poems are made for the fun of how they roll off the mind and then fall from the mouth! I LOVE the hard consonants! "M"s "N"s and Ts or Ds. Just say it out loud. Listen and feel for the natural break and pause demanded between: cannot, yet and will not (each ending in t) and the next word "cannot go." Also the hard double n. Other words spoken that I find myself hanging on to the consonants of, are: "nighT" "darKening. WilD, winds, colDly. Doesn't it just go with the theme of" cannot go". But then notice, nothing is truly bound really. No end of line ends in a hard consonant. They're all open, free flowing words. "Me blow, go, snow, below." even "*ding." has a tone of release to it. Yet only as an after thought.

3rd Pass feel and imagry 

Dark, cold, windy. A powerful restrictiveness. Bondage. Helplessness. 

Large, burdened. Vulnerable, oppressed, heavy, cold. Impending danger, fury, adverse. Halting, pause, contemplative. Frozen. 

Expansive high, cognative, dreamlike. 

Barren, open, potential, terrain. Here. 

Unwilling, resolute, immobility. 

It's just occurred to me that cannot, cannot might be less of a repeat and more of a double negative. Like I can't see myself doing anything but going. "Can't, cannot go." which would match the pattern of attitude change from go to maybe to stay. 

Final thoughts 1 of 2

I'd like to think that the author is just stepping out into the storm and the cold wind hits you in the face and you think, "Burr! I should run to my car and get out of this weather." But then you see how the snow beautifully bends the branches and it gives you pause. "Look, see the brilliant white color of snow." and the cold doesn't matter as much cause there's beauty of winter, right there. And even the bleakest elements, at this point, can't distract you cause you're spellbound and the expansivness is beautiful. And the bleakest drear outcome wouldn't get you to your car faster cause you just want to soak it all in, even if it freezes you. 

It could also be more symbolic of nature teaching us mortal lessons of our own humanity.

Our life is hard, circumstances won't change. We feel imprisoned. But even our biggest burdens, if we're open about them, give us a reason to stop and wonder... In the chaos and stress of impending doom, we're still here, still surviving, somehow made it this far. Maybe our dreams can still be realized. Maybe our futures are not doom and gloom but a blank canvas open and ready to create whatever dreams we want. And our stubbornness reframed to serve our future than our imagined prison. 

Final thoughts 2 of 2

But then again, my first impression, the one without analyzing it to death, and just letting it exist in its own poetic space... 

I see a bleak scene of winter. A traveler hurries along to stay warm, but despite their best effort, ends up slowing and eventually freezing to death, a victim of the powerful spell of winter. Oh, and they like it. 

Or one who is progressively captivated by winter and gets so distracted that they end up freezing to death. Too Macabre?? 

What do you think?? Comments welcome! 

Awake: The Beautiful Spectrum of Mental Wellness (Part 2 of 3)

A chain wrapped around my waist, then harnessed to a pair of comfortably fitted handcuffs accompanied me as a prepared to sit in the caged back of a county sheriff's truck for transport. "They didn't always have us do this." the Sheriff explained. "It's just precautionary now." This wasn't new, and I expected it, having done this once before. The ride was comfortable, but I just kept thinking, "What am I doing? I feel fine now. Why did I agree to this? There's nothing wrong with me. I can't believe I fell apart in front of my therapist. My family needs me. I can't believe I'm doing this to them again. I'll be out of here in 4 days - let's get this over with."

There were two units. I had assumed that I'd be joining the first unit like I did. People primarily dealing with overwhelm and thoughts of self harm. A pretty normal feeling group with perfectly functional social skills. But I wasn't. I was put with those whom on my last visit I thought they seemed like they weren't all there. "The Crazies". Was I a crazies now? For the first time, I started to feel uneasy, less trusting, more... paranoid. A few deep breaths... was this going to  get to me? Would I lose it, like them? This environment cannot be healthy or productive.

The Roomie,

I went to my room and laid down for a minute - observing my roommate across from me. Dark tanned skin - scarred expression in his eyes. The initial tension I felt lessened a little as I realized he was probable more anxious about meeting me as his new roommate than I was him. After a few moments of silence, Roomie broke the ice. "What are you here for. You seem pretty normal." "Shake up the meds a bit, hopefully. Focus on some new coping skills maybe. I feel pretty normal, but how about yourself? You seem perfectly normal to me, I think we're all a little anxious just being here." I replied hoping to win some common ground. "Oh, no man. I'm not normal. I'm scared. I'm really scared. Do you think I'm gunna be safe? Am I safe in here??" he asked frantically. "I've been here once before, yes. You're safe. Do I seem pretty safe to you? Do you feel like I'm a pretty safe person?" I probed hoping to calm. "Oh. Yeah," he said a little spacey, "I am safe, huh? Yeah, you seem like a good guy." "Absolutely. See, I can tell already I'm going to like you as a roommate. Me and you man. We're going to get through this." I reassured, "No problem." "No problem." he repeated, then laid back down onto his pillow. I wandered back down the hall to the commons area and spied a table where a woman was shuffling some papers.

Susceptible Sensibility (SusSen)

As I crossed to sit down at the table next to her, I saw a picture of the Timpanogas Temple and said to here while sitting down, "Hey, my brother got married in that temple."  "Oh yes. I love to see the temple. I'll go inside some day..." she wandered and stared off. "I forgot that. But I remembered it again. You helped me remember that again. Thank you." "I'm Jake," I smiled "What's your name?" "I'm Sussen. I see your garments, that means your a member too, huh? I was looking at the temple. Do you see my baby," She opened a little book. "This is my daughter, she's almost one. And here she is..." As she proceeded to share with me the entire contents of her little book.

Sussen would seemly change moods on conversation topics at the very mention of a word, or by observing an emotion. Almost as if she was a sponge and absorbed or mirrored whatever emotion was going on around here. Not to just anyone however, just to people she decided was in her circle of trust. I hadn't fully realized we'd established this link until later that week when I was having an off, stubborn moment.

Babbling Barbara

"Do you know that king? We must NOT let the parley happen in Washington. Do you know about 2564? They're letting the beggars purchase the vote of the parliament with golden horses hay. The injustice is paramount, and we cannot let them triple book the concert tickets!! What are you doing about it!?" Nothing you see?! Do you know the King?" - Barbara  Okay, so this might not be word for word what she said, but a lot of the repeating/common elements and words are there and it might as well have been what she said word for word for all the sense it made. More than anything during my stay, it was Barbara's attempt to be apart of the conversation that cause all but myself and maybe one other to stay in the room. Her babbles became the best trigger to practice coping skills to.

I met all types. A brilliant high functioning autistic, a warm charismatic gay guy who'd speak often about his busy husband, yet supportive nature of his illness, and who helped see him through additions I can only imagine ever having to overcome. A strong willed mother of 6 who wouldn't open up and even talk until nearly 40 days into her treatment, but loved her Lord Jesus. A nearly 400 lbs 6 foot tall woman coming off of a destructive and violent manic high, confused and refusing to take her meds, slamming other tenants doors, yelling all night. An individual who, to my count had at least 5 different personalities, names, identities. "Jake, I'm switching now." She'd say to me. But I only met one of two male twins embodied inside her.

One day, earlier on in the treatment. I didn't feel like putting on a happy face. I missed my family and I wasn't happy about how long I'd have to be there. Sussen came over to sit down next to me, noting the difference in my countenance. "You can beat him." She said, "I did... I  forgot that. You can beat him to." She then got emotional and defensive for me and my mood change, and started to get terribly upset. A staff took note. She started hitting walls and complaining about a banana in a fruit bowl, supposing that was in fact what she was angry and wanted to leave. "I don't like that banana! It doesn't belong here. I beat it, and he can beat it too." The staff had no idea, but I knew exactly what she was upset about. She saw someone she knew as a happy person, fighting with depression that I had allowed to be there, and she didn't want it there. I didn't realize how much my choice in mood could affect those around me. Not normally, but to a sensitive soul who can notice these things, there is a very real change that takes place in our aurora. A destructive and repressive presence, even if it's only in the form of an emotion.

But something unexpected happened to me, the more people I met and got to know. I no longer saw them as "crazies". They just weren't anything to be afraid of. Many of their more extreme behaviors only lasted while they were not medicated properly. Medication and therapy helped all but one of these individuals tremendously. This center was involved in a great work!

Awake: Shake Off the Awful Chains (Part 1 of 3)

"'Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.' ...Doubt my doubts... doubt my doubts, (sobs) doubt my doubts," Jake repeated obsessively as if those words - what he reasoned only moments before, would now, somehow help guide him back into intelligible conversation with his therapist.

"I don't know, he's never done this before." Josie manages to sputter out between her own tears in fear. "Jake, you just keep repeating yourself...  Jake? Jake?? Jake!! Breathe! Breathe Jake!! Breath... That's good take some deep breaths."

"I stand on the edge of a chasm..." his voice rises, eyes closed, gripping his wife's hand, still seated right next to him " ...a great chain... ...four dark figures behind me, pulling me back into a pit...  Twelve ancestors before me - fighting for me with bright shining chords...  Twelve in front.... four behind... pulling...  Four behind... twelve in front... four behind..."

"You're not making any sense, Jake." The therapist verbalizes.

Jake didn't mean to scare anyone. He felt... trapped. The debilitating depression came out of absolutely nowhere this time, or if there was a cause he couldn't remember it. In point of fact - things were going great! Better than they had been for a very long time. A job he loved. Time to himself engaged in reading good book after good book. A healed/healing friendship! Well, there wasn't any fainting or anything, hello Ammon, but there was plenty of joy to be had in reunion. He had even been called to serve in the Lord's Church as a Ward Choir Director - a particularly long desired calling!! All was right in his world!

Little did he know, having perpetually felt well rested, that working swing shift had cut his nightly sleep to five or less hours a night for months. Not uncommon, but detrimental for some people with specific mental illnesses.

He had ignored the occasional prompts that went off in his head to have his mood stabilizer levels checked like he'd learned from the book that he had read, among other sources.

Why was it that when he went off of the anti-psychotic drugs in search for a more compatible set that a mood stabilizer was kept and anti-psychotic dropped?

This is bipolar and psychosis we're dealing with, but though he had, at some level registered these things at one point in time or another, they were all far from his mind now. He was spent.

All he was trying to do, was communicate. To keep fighting, but when he realized his efforts were fruitless, and... bag of cats crazy sounding... it was his last straw.

"That! What just happened in your eyes!" the therapist noted in surprise. Jake, now calm and feeling destitute, turns to look at Josie. "Where did you go, Jake? This isn't you. It's like you're not there when I look at you." Josie says with a hint of sadness. He looks away.

"Jake's not here. Come back later..." He says flatly.

Jake had given up. If all was going so well in life, and this illness still had the power to rob him of every happiness in a moment... what was the point? The cycle was set. All the books and knowledge on the topic said it. There is no end; no cure to the cycles - only hope for stability for a year, two years, maybe 10, and then it would strike again. But hope never lasted more than a couple weeks at a time. An even deeper depression would come eventually. He had fought to the very end of this battle, and he was at the point of amotivation - when motivation slumbers. It was time to seek help from a behavioral hospital... again.

----------------

Hello. My name is Jake and I struggle with bipolar two accompanied by psychosis. This is my story of how I shook off my depression, awoke to hope in myself and expanded my empathy on a wide spectrum of mild to severe cases of mental illnesses. Stay tuned. We've got this!

Meditation vs Hypnosis: What's the Difference?

True or false? Hypnosis is for hippies while meditation is for millennials.

Although this statement may get a laugh and be closer to how many see the similarities between the two mind therapies, it's closer to pop culture gossip than it is to the truth. Very tongue in cheek.

There's actually a bigger difference between the two than most people might want to take the time to understand, so I'll try and keep this simple. The following statements are much closer to the truth in my opinion and fairly rounded understanding.

• Meditation uses conscious thought as it's medium, while hypnosis works directly with subconscious thought.
• Meditation is non-striving, while hypnosis strives to obtain a specific result.
• True meditation is an unbiased observation of mind, while hypnosis is a controlled reprogramming of mind.

Panning For Gold
Consider the difference between conscious thought and subconscious thought through the lens of panning for gold. We can only consciously hold on to information for about 90 minutes - usually less. At that point, our pan is full of sediments and overflows, being unable to retain any more information. If we find something meaningful to us, it slips into a sort of reserve, (pouch) to be reevaluated and either be kept or discarded at the end of the day into our subconscious (Vault) when we sleep. From pan to pouch to vault.

A problem arises however, when subconscious, automatic processes do not match our desired values. To our mind, there is no such thing as a bad habit. Every habit serves to protect and benefit us. But if something in our conscious mind or logical mind says that a behavior is bad and should ideally be changed, then the two minds are in conflict. So, change it, right? Well, that spot in the vault is already filled with an automatic process and cannot be easily changed.

Hypnosis is kind of like a trick which in theory bypasses the pan to change one's association with a specific pattern of belief or behavior and sneaks it into one's pouch. There's still a chance that in sleep it will still be discarded, but with persistence and skill one's mind will say, hey that's better than what I have in the vault, lets toss the old association and replace it with this new one.

Meditation is more like observing the sediments in the pan swirl, and see more clearly what is of value before it automatically gets slipped into your pouch. A way of life - of seeing more things at face value and less risk of vaulting less desirable automatic programs.

Guided Meditation vs Hypnosis
This is where the line blurs. Often, in meditation, it can be difficult to stay intent on observation only. One often experiences attachment to a passing thought, image, sound, feeling, or emotion. Chase a distraction. Get lost in thought. This is a deeply programmed and embedded habit of our minds. And so, often we find it easier to stay on track if we have some kind of guide. Guides can be very helpful in reminding us to focus on the breath, use visualization as our anchor, or whatever technique is being implemented to our formal meditation session. Hypnotherapists or hypnotists, largely find it less obtrusive if they call their hypnosis "guided meditation". Consider a progressive relaxation - in induction technique used by hypnotherapist to relax the mind and skip the pouch process. The nugget is not being evaluated, it's already decided upon, so why not skip the pouch and vault it.

Which is better?
At this point I'm sure you can already identify this as a terrible question. They're two completely different animals. Different processes. Different purposes. If you want to expedite a habit change, consider short cutting with hypnosis. If you'd like to naturally improve the quality of your life in general, enrich your mental processes with meditation. Want to establish a habit of meditating, consider hypnositating!

If you're interested in learning more about hypnotherapy, visit https://hypnosis.edu/distance/ for a free foundations course.

If you're interested in learning more about meditation, visit https://palousemindfulness.com/ for a free self paced course in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction - a clinical based form of meditation.

I've engaged extensively in both and believe them to be some of the highest quality free content and training on either topic.



BONUS:

Quick Meditation Experience: Resting Awareness
Take a few deep breaths, 5 minutes and imagine you're standing inside your mind observing traffic. See if you can identify the following vehicles as they pass. Internal and external counterparts of sight, sound and touch.

Technique: Noting

1. See (What do you visually see?) Label it "seeing" as it occurs to you.
2. Hear (What do you audibly hear?)  etc.
3. Feel (What do you physically feel?) 
4. Visualize (Are images passing through your minds eye?)
5. Think (Are you experiencing a thought?)
6. Emote (Are you experiencing a feeling?)

No need to get specific - just limit your labels to what you are experiencing in these 6 terms. Sleepy is a subnote of Emote, while seeing a persons face and labeling them "Joe" is a subnote of Visualize. Or in other words, you're attaching them to an association, and the purpose is non-attachment.