I'm not sure how this post will turn out. I often find I can better refine my thoughts as I write so I'm just gunna go for it, after having put it off for 2 days, trying not to make it 3. =) I hope they help someone who's feeling discouraged about how much they want to fit in, but can't seem to manage everything after all. Guess what? It's OK! Mostly.
I've been reading "The ONE Thing" by Keller and Papasan lately, and have heard a lot recently about how work / life balance is a myth, or not a real, achievable or even desirable thing. That, because not everything is the same level of importance, or bears the same weight in your life, you can't realistically balance them all properly and reach some ideal and serene state of life, where everything is in perfect balance. So there are 2 primary points in my observation that these lines of thought try to convey.
1.) The illusion of balance. That balance, is an illusion and can more realistically be described as counter balance. More like a teeter totter or see-saw than a still an peaceful balance between two weighted scales.
2.) Results driven counter-balance. True outstanding results usually come from extreme or unbalanced efforts. Seasons if you will. Where one thing gets dropped or gets significantly less attention so another thing can thrive.
Examples I've pondered and think are connected. I put them here for further pondering as I'm sure I have lots still to learn on the topic.
1.1
This example is given in the book. A ballerina seemingly floats across the stage as if she had a cloud carrying her under her feet. In reality, she shifts her balance from one foot to another in rapid succession.
1.2
A duck floating on the water with ease, as under the surface it's webbed feet paddle one after another furiously.
1.3
It doesn't take long watching a toddler to learn that, crawling, sitting up right w/out support, being balanced upright on feet, pedaling a bike, or anything else alike does not come naturally to us in our most primitive nature and balance is a mask of finely developed micro muscles firing to maintain the illusion.
2.1
Seasons of the year are a good example of a more obvious form of counterbalance. Fall bringing death, where it seems as though life is being neglected, and everything is off balance for a while, followed by spring that brings new life.
2.2
Music comes to mind. Think Gregorian Chant. All fairly uniform, peaceful, & serene. Compare this with Bach's use of counterpoint. And even further extremes as music moved into the classical and romantic eras. More than 2 volumes? Dynamic not static? Musica ficta (accidentals)? Secondary dominants? This is not balanced, what about the key? The steady pace? The order? Yet as a whole it is beautiful beyond description! Just don't go too extreme or you end up with 21st century music. Hahahaha. (oh man I laugh at my own jokes)
2.3
Exercise vs Nutrition. Nutrition takes the balanced approach. Balanced meals, counterpoint doesn't do much for nutrition. Starve your body of certain nutrients to focus on another for an extended period, then flip flop, and you're gunna find much beauty.
However, in exercise, though I believe there should be some balance between stretching, cardio and strength training for overall health, neglecting one area of emphasis in pursuit of another can bring outstanding results, otherwise unattainable. Once ramped up it can be easily maintained and another area focused on in its place.
Consider our society. We hire people for their strengths in their field which as a whole is benefited by a network of strengths working toward the same end goal.
Consider higher higher education, where we put careers in hold for the potential of a better career.
So why keep beating ourselves up about all we aren't able to do that we'd like to? Rather, we might all be better off identifying something more specific, for this present moment in our life:
1.) Identify what is acceptable to drop and what is not. Say, in this jugging act we're all in, we have rubber balls (dynamic) and glass balls (static). Some things, if dropped, will be difficult if not impossible to repair. These are the "basic nutrition" things that do need to be present and "balanced." Or carefully juggled.
2.) Add one new "rubber ball" at a time. (Counterbalance) What is the single most important thing I can spend my time, energy and focus on? Then hone in on it.
This may not be for everybody, but as an ADHDer or in general helpful tool to use are lists. For me, my glass balls (static) that I've identified to make sure I juggle the most important things well are, in order, my marriage, relationship with each child, my talents or personal life / fulfillment, church service, work & ethical integrity with those I work with / for / on behalf of, and community. Every specific outside of those, are appendages or rubber balls that I can drop and see-saw between.
Let's get those down to two words each. Glass balls are:
a.) Eternal Marriage
b.) Exemplary Fatherhood
c.) Talent Investments
d.) Church Service
e.) Honest Work
f.) Community Involvement
I haven't been perfect at it, but my vision is, so that no one big glass ball ever gets neglected long enough to drop, each week I choose One Thing in each department to be mindful of throughout the week, the following week re-evaluate. (I originally tried identifying my one most important to do for each category every day and well let's just say that didn't work out very well.) Each category is on a spectrum, and not all deserve equal attention as the top two, as they involve intimate relationships, are much more important than the last few, but all fragile if neglected. So the top two, marriage and fatherhood, get daily emphasis when I pray. Jos, every day, and since I have 3 kids, kids twice a week each. The last 4 list items, just one something each week. Sometimes Citizenship gets skipped to every other week.
To keep myself accountable, I post something I found relatable in my readings in that topic each day to Facebook. It also work closely with some friends and family members who also keep me accountable to what matters most. #MarriageMonday, #SelfMasteryTuesday, #WorkingmanWednesday, #DiscipleshipThursday, #FatherhoodFriday, #CitizenshipSaturday. Knowing I have an opportunity to minister every day, helps me post something uplifting every day AND helps keep me focused and learning about something important, every day.
Then privately, I keep a weekly journal of my efforts, and have meant to overview my progress each month and reevaluate whether my direction or focused efforts need to be adjusted, to keep them truly on track with what is most important right now in my life. I haven't pooled it all together in an at-a-glance friendly format for review, but know what I should do now. =)
It's my hope that as I make a #habit of putting first things first, and continue for years to come, I'll be able to kneel before my Savior and thank Him for all my many blessings, and hear those words, despite my remaining shortcomings "Thou good and faithful servant..." receive Salvation (a personal matter) and Exaltation (a family matter). Knowing I've done my best and stayed the course.
Thanks for all who have read this far, may the Lord bless you with clarity and revelation to lead you in your life specifics, and may you reach your goals and stick to your plans.
