How 2016 Compelled Me to Grow Through Adversity

2016 was one of those times where, for me, the Lord's like, 'Oh you finally feel comfortable? Established? Content? Here, have a tornado! Almost adjusted? Kerblam! Have a waterfall! How about some lighting while you're still falling!?'

It started off very comfortable! Our little family had a place to stay for another 2 years before our contract was up. I was finally earning enough for our little family of 4 and feeling optimistic about a 3rd kid on the way! Jos, changed Jobs with a big pay cut to do something she loved. (wood crafts) I was finally pursuing a career change (I.T.) I'd been wanting to make for years! We had established great scripture reading habits with the kids and felt all around life was finally feeling like we were "catching our break".

UPSIDE-DOWN

Our comfy rental home was broken into (rear slider shattered and then boarding kicked in) twice within 2 days of each other, and in sheer terror filed a police report and moved back in with my in-laws. My employer was looking to sell his business at the prospect of me switching fields of work. Josie was told by several doctors that she wouldn't be able to do a VBAC like she had hoped for and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. (we came to learn that this is pretty common but it felt scary all the same cause our other babies were perfectly healthy pregnancies. The company that Josie changed jobs to work for, was going out of business. I passed my hardware exam but failed my A+ Certification twice on the software side (costing a pretty penny). Since the break-in, I had been unsuccessful in resuming scripture reading habits with the kids (18 months steady previously) for the life of us! Our world, as we knew it, was turned upside down, so we started bailing out our little sinking Crenshaw Boat!

BAILING OUT WITH COLANDERS

Josie applied for several jobs up north as I worked toward my A+ in our free time. She got a job but needed to be up there the following Monday. We prayed about it and ran full speed toward the opportunity! My parents, unable at the time to help, still opened up their home for about a month or so. Unable to find an apartment just yet, we later moved in with my sister. Finally, a place opened up and we had somewhere to call home after over a month of living out of suitcases.

After failing my A+ exam I approached my employer about purchasing the business. Which we did. Still around the same time Josie gave birth to our 3rd kid. I worked at home and had finally adjusted. I thought caring for 1 more kid even a baby would not be too much of an adjustment. Afterall, Adding Baby O was not too bad.  But with a business purchase, a new baby, and other stressors, I developed severe anxiety and a temper I hadn't known since I was 3 years old. We moved again after only 6 months. I went through some therapy, got some help, was later officially diagnosed with adult ADHD, and am experiencing what's turning out to be a long process to find the right medication.

It seemed as though every time something went right two things went wrong. It was a never-ending battle right to the end of the year!

Wow Jake, what a depressing post! Your life sucks, but you know, some have it better and others have it worse. Ah, too true. I've not actually come to post about a pathetic year, but to paint in contrast the blessings and growth that have come because of this year of challenges and only mention them for context.

I have direct and extended family who love me very much. From moving in at a night's notice with in-laws, to house hopping between direct family members, we always had a roof over our heads and the love of a caring family, willing to give all they have.

I live in peace, free from fear of home invasion, theft or harm. After moving from place to place, for 10 months, (Jan to Oct) from a sketchy neighborhood to eventually a small town where most doors are left unlocked, has been a big relief.

I grew a lot closer to my father-in-law. We'd always kinda had a funny conflicting relationship, but all that changed in a few short months and I'm glad to have a strong, healthy, loving, respect driven relationships with my Father-in-law. (Yup, too many adjectives!)

I discovered Josie looks radiant in a formal dress while pregnant. For our anniversary,  (February) I wanted to make sure she felt pretty (as she's expressed she feels far from pretty while pregnant) and got her a formal teal maternity dress. Guys, she's the most beautiful creature to grace the earth! Just, wow!

I make a pretty good caregiver for a workin' Papa! Moving in with my parents engendered sticking to a pretty strict schedule to make sure work, house and kid needs were met while in a temporary living space. (March) I seriously felt like a Boss! (I actually hate that term, I think it's silly, trendy and disrespectful, but in its popular and intended context it works here) I was making breakfast, getting the kids dressed and taken care of, doing dishes, keeping the kitchen clean, playing with the kids, putting away toys before we got the next set out, keeping the kids calm and quiet, getting naps in for Baby O, all while still working 30 to 40 hrs a week before Jos would get home from work!

I reconnected with my sister. From the time I was young I remember seeing her married off at 19. It always felt like I never really had a sister growing up cause she was never at home to grow up with. We found ways to connect over the years, but it had been a while. We had family dinners on Sundays, sometimes other meals together while living at her place. Got to talk to her from time to time, and probably got more time around her in those short couple of weeks than I had the rest of our lives previously. I love my one and only sister! She is a rock star, and my hero!

I reconnected with my young-adult-self's favorite brother. From the time I was old enough to date, he taught me how to execute a well oiled, fun, theme based double date. He made time for me then and was here for me now. Living down a floor from him (April ish) we traded cookies, borrowed sugar, cleaning supplies and alternated watching chillin's! I've been away from my family for so long, I forgot how much I love them!

I created a graphic series of photos highlighting principles from the scriptures, on facebook. Later migrated to YouTube as a video series, I always wanted to start a study journal and fill it with principles I find in the scriptures. I gained a love for pulling precepts while teaching Seminary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I loved seeing students grasp the concept behind life's challenges, hidden in the scriptures. Check them out here. Or view video's here.

I became an educator... again and a master of play! AB was starting to digress and acting more like her younger brother, and her younger brother Baby O was turning 2 soon and couldn't hardly say any coherent words. Jos being away from home at work was taking a big toll on our little growing family and it was time for me to step up my game! So a mini preschool type of thing started as we explored new words and games to play to help teach and measure comprehension. Oli grew so much in a short time!

I grew my fatherhood by one more precious soul. Jos recalls that his father's blessing was the shortest and simplest yet. He's the sweetest, chillest, calmest baby we've had yet. He's been an immeasurable blessing to me! We love him!

I bought a COMPANY and became self employed! Having little prospect of going immediately into the field of my dreams, I dared to dream a little bigger and took a huge leap of faith and bought the company from my employer of nearly 4 years! (Aug) I'd say financially independent, but we still need what Josie makes while I work in growing the company over the next 3+ years. (who knows what wrench will get thrown into this one if any, future is never truly figured out, apparently!)

I learned chemical imbalances are more appropriately addressed by medication than by blind faith. There's a crippling and faith damaging false principle popularly taught in Mormon culture. (that was a mouthful) That if someone just has enough faith Christ will heal their depression, anxiety, infirmities of any kind. I more or less naively subscribed to this system belief having overcome many challenges by faith alone previously in my life. However, until I actually experienced and became one who could empathize with life experience the stumbling block of chemical imbalances compounded with life stresses and other responsibilities, I never knew what kind of things this kind of challenge could inflict someone. After some life-shaking trials of my faith, I exercised my faith in more physical nature truths than spiritual truths and was prescribed some medication for anxiety. I cannot express the world of a difference one simple pill could have on its affect on me. Amazing! Not saying there's a pill to fix everything, but when correctly diagnosed and treated medication can serve as a modern miracle!

I started an "actual" blog! I had a blog a long time ago that never got updated. I enjoy writing, but mostly think it's a fun way to journal when otherwise I may find it difficult. My top 3 roles are Spouse, Kids and Self so I based my structure around that. I try tracking some goals through this medium but struggle with consistency. But even if I meet one goal that's one more than I would have had I not tracked it. I really like that I can look back, explore my original thoughts and resume goaling if I'd like to! 

I grew closer to my wife as we deepened our trust in each other. Also my friends are swag. (Also, also I don't like that term, but it's fun and uncharacteristic of me to use, so Imma use it for fun!) Experiencing the stresses of life, and on a trial basis, taking advise from my therapist to invest more into fewer friends, I wound myself up in a difficult predicament driving a wedge between Jos and me. I reached out to renew friendships with a few key people. One of which friend, was an ex, with whom feelings grew completely platonic over the pair of years between our breaking up and meeting Josie. However, this friendship never set very well with Jos, but trusting it was platonic, historically classified as one of my best friends, and liking her, herself as a good person, accepted our dormant friendship. Moving that friendship back to an active status though was troublesome for Jos, and after understanding some of her concerns better, I terminated the friendship. She was on-board and expressed nothing but a desire to respect Josie's feelings. It was much harder than I anticipated, but reinforced one of my greatest treasures in marriage: complete trust and fidelity in each other. For that I'd pay most any cost. After all, there's no time to worry about pages unwritten when we are already where we belong.

Stop. Read that line again! It was kinda, sorta, deep! (Gurpf!)

No time to worry about pages unwritten when we are already where we belong.

To quote a popular country artist Rascal Flatts,

"Love who you love
With all that you have
And don't waste the time
That flies so fast
Love who you love
And say that you do
Hold on as tight as they'll let you
Love who you love

I am always authentically enthusiastic, am creative, passionate and can hyper-focus! Those are kinda like my superpowers! A lot of people are fake enthusiasm if they seem enthusiastic all the time, but no joke ADHDers can legit be excited about new little things all the time. We can also REALLY get in the zone when we are passionate about something. It could be stupid, but we'll forget to eat lunch and/or dinner if we're in to something and not even know. Being officially diagnosed with Adult ADHD was a bit heartbreaking for me otherwise, but finally being armed with that knowledge, I have been able to better understand why I face extremely specific challenges in a marriage relationship. With that knowledge, I'm becoming better prepared to combat those challenges directly instead of just thinking I'm broken, despite the tenacity I exert.

I started a video series called #SingWithMeSunday on Facebook. Diving more into my hobbies and thinking about what I loved most, I missed getting together and singing with friends. I would often start a cappella groups, or sing hymns together with friends and I missed singing in that way. So even though I couldn't get together in person, I hoped to connect with other's who shared the same passion via facebook. (now youtube) So I pick a hymn centered on the Savior each week and sing different parts for each verse in hopes that others will put off their fear of singing in front of their computer or mobile device and just sing! Sing along by typing #SingWithMeSunday in a facebook search, or sing along here.

I voted! Yup, sadly it was my first time, but I did it! Dove into reading up on issues, learned where I stood on issues personally. Studied local leaders and topics in my community, and knew just who I'd be voting for when I went to the polls.  It's been something I've always wanted to do but hadn't put the time educating myself independent of outside voices. Empowering to find your own opinion! Should be much easier to progress from here, now that I've started.

This past year, I stand as a living vessel that adversity brings tremendous blessings! I still may not feel like I'm catching my break yet, but I know with confidence that I'm still growing. And that's good!