The first 6 weeks weren't to bad. Josie was home, helped with the kids. I could work, she and I could have time together, and then the next 6 weeks happened when she went back to work. I developed overwhelming anxiety. There were a few days I could not even bring myself to work for ONE solid hour, let alone a whole 8 hour work day. I could no longer stick to a schedule. I became irritable, easily aggravated, angry and at times, resentful. The weight of everything came crashing down, and... I broke. I couldn't take care of the kids. I couldn't work. I couldn't control my temper, emotions, etc. I even at one point couldn't make out full sentences. Everything had to be broken down into its simplest form for my psyche to cope. So I went to the doctor, explained about my anxiety and was put on 20mg of Celexa.
I cannot express the world of change that did for me. Why is there such a taboo against being medicated for actual chemical imbalances? I never needed medication up to this point, but heck, if a little pill, makes that much of a difference, between functioning or remaining dysfunctional? My goodness! [***Disclaimer mini-rant incoming!!] Can everyone just cut the crap about "having more faith"? Or whatever! Faith is belief on truth in action. Consider the truth behind modern medicine, take action. God should be our primary source of faith, but not our sole belief as truth is found everywhere. [**End Rant]
So medication helped me return to a stable state. Why I was suddenly off balanced and developing crippling anxiety at 31 and never before, I don't know, but I'm very thankful for qualified doctors and modern medicines/drugs. Caring for an infant and two wonderful toddlers was a welcomed challenge now, but too challenging and unpredictable to lock down my schedule. You may remember my "Becoming Fantastic" blog post, where I just tried to make something that wasn't working, work. And I did, just that, until the move. After about 6 weeks at our new place I realized making and sticking to a schedule was not going to work as a long term game plan. I cut friends out, blogging out, uninstalled Facebook from my phone for a while. I was struggling to keep balance. So I visited with our doctor again.
I have always suspected, from my family history and general knowledge on the topic that I may have some form of Adult ADHD, and the doctor was able to help confirm that. According to the National Institute of Mental Health ADHD can be defined as follows:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/index.shtml
Studies connecting impairments on executive function in ADHDers are especially compelling to me as I can almost immediately relate to each analyzed impairment. Executive function can be paired into two categories.
- Organization: attention, planning, sequencing, problem solving, working memory, cognitive flexibility, abstract thinking, rule acquisition, selecting relevant sensory information
- Regulation: initiation of action, self-control, emotional regulation, monitoring internal and external stimuli, initiating and inhibiting context-specific behavior, moral reasoning, decision-making
http://memory.ucsf.edu/ftd/overview/biology/executive/single
I find the following study by Dr. Thomas E. Brown regarding specific impairments of executive function in ADHDers pertinent to how I feel ADHD primarily affects me.
http://www.drthomasebrown.com/add-adhd-model/
There's been a lot of research on the topic of ADHD and fortunately its highly treatable and managable. I had already tried natural helps, some of which worked and others not so much. I watched my nutrients making sure I was getting plenty of Zinc, Iron, B6 vitamins, amino acids, fish oils, etc. I tried with some success, Do Terra life long vitality supplements and "In Tune" topical oil blend. Watched my water, protein and sleep, even exercise to get the synapses firing! I believe all the above is, or should be monitored and laid down as a solid foundation in an ADHDers diet and lifestyle. But for me to properly balance marriage, family life and work I had not yet tried medication. This was the primary reason behind securing an official diagnosis. I'd like to know how medication for adult ADHD might benefit me. If it could give me that additional edge, side effects might just be worth it to venture.
He put me on Wellbutrin. There seemed to be little to no effect. Slightly less brain fog, but that's about it. And now I'm trying Straterra. Side effects are minimal while benefits are already showing vast improvements. I was startled to discover what a "quiet mind" felt like. Here's to hoping I can find that good balance to meet my basic responsibilities as Husband, Father, and Entrepreneur.
Also, check this educator/vlogger out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cx13a2-unjE She's been instrumental in helping me find and use some of the more effective tools to cope in a nero-typical world lately! Especially use of a kitchen timer, bullet journal, and in helping me get started on things I procrastinate most on.
