My Mindfulness Practice

I observed a curious thought recently while meditating. What would it look like if I were to explain meditation using my own word?

The following are my insights.

Meditation, in my experience, is simply awareness of thing's as they exist via our 5 senses, whether experienced internally or externally, for five minutes or twenty. It's often suggested as an empty mind or thinking of nothing, but those descriptions miss the mark. It's more like getting out of first person and observing from 3rd person. Anything. Have a thought? Note it's existence. Feel an emotion? Acknowledge it. Hear something? Experience it. This is meditation.

A good way to start is by taking a. Few deep breaths and simply observe and note whats going on around you. In your head say, see, hear or feel.

For example, now I hear a fan clicking. I don't say "fan" I say hear. Currently I can mentally imagine the fan and see myself spin my eyes in the opposite circle. But I don't say blade, fan, or spin. Those are descriptions. I say "see" or "thought". If I feel at peace I don't say calm or peacefully, I say "feel".

In this way you can objectively train your mind to reach delta states while still being fully awake. So what if you find your mind wandering? As soon as you notice... "Thought"

Once practiced with see hear and feel, add thinking, emotion and visualizing/imagining. Give it a go and see what ways it benefits you. I've restored good blood pressure and ability to center myself before conversations. Share in the comments your experiences with meditation, and or your questions.

anx·i·e·ty

anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē

When you know what you want until you sit down

Then suddenly, you’re paralyzed, and you simply just cannot.

When you try to accomplish the things on your list

But they sit there untouched worse yet, not jot.

When you worry about your own worrying

And others see it as behavioral sub par propriety

But this is our reality, once truly seen,

Cannot be unseen - this is anxiety.

I used to think I knew what it meant,

To feel distressed, uneasy, anxious

But until it consumes you, and begins to run your life

You simply can’t know what we’re trying to express.

“Buck up. Perform. Find your why. Calm down.”

All nice in our heads, and certainly well intended

But at the end of the day, whether two, five or ten

Help us not a single one in ten did. (Yes, Yoda pun intended =)

It’s not that we don’t appreciate your help

It’s not that the things you say are not true.

Believe me, we wish we could start; we could stop.

But for us it’s like everything at once crashing through.

So, we go on a jog. We breathe in counts of ten.

We listen to music to calm our souls.

We literally take things one syllable at a time

Breaking it up into pieces to accomplish a whole.

So, when someone you love suffers from this debilitating disease,

Put them at ease, not by telling – breathe with them.

Suggest one simple next action, take the greater half.

And above all, what you think you understand, please don’t condemn.

Bipolar Disorder: 5 Nurturing Basics and How!

After several months of anhedonic depression, followed by a sudden onset of feeling severely hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness I accepted an invitation to go in for a crisis evaluation at the ER. Initially, of course, I didn't want to be one of "those people". But my love for my wife and her trust in a doctor's recommendation, got me out of what I originally planned on being my last resting place, my bed.

At the ER, I was asked a series of questions and was treated with much kindness and sympathy, I accepted an invitation to go to a behavioral hospital where I could have my meds evaluated in a safe and regularly monitored environment.

After 1 week in this center, having visited with medical, mental and social experts, I was diagnosed not with ADHD but Bipolar Disorder, prescribed an antiphycotic, and discovered a couple other potential health issues along with treatment.

Medication alone, I was advised would not be the end all cure all. It would help, but not fix the core issues. In order to do that I'd have to maintain my mental, physical and emotional health with proper diet, exercise and professional help from a therapist.

By the end of my time there I was fired up, stable and feeling on top of my game. Better than ever! Which of course lasted for a short time before my old habits, as I'm sure often happens after leaving such a structured and accountable environment.

After more frequent emotionally charged episodes with my wife, I pondered in the early morning, this morning, 5 essential nurturing needs that will need to be in order to more fully cope with Bipolar Disorder and maybe ever curb undesirable episodes for the long haul. I'll base my findings in the following scriptural teaching: Doctrine and Covenants 4:2

"Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day."

My main responsibilities involve not only independent needs but interdependent relationships.

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17)

I'll reference these 5 things to be interchangeable with the following:

Service: (Social, Work, Parenting, Community, Friends, Family, Relationships)

HEART: Prescribe PLAY
(Emotional Health / Feelings, Emotions, etc)

MIGHT: Prescribe ATONEMENT
(Spiritual Health / Beliefs, Values, Religion, etc)

MIND: Prescribe SLEEP
(Mental Health / Prescribed medications for mental illnesses, education, remembrance/diligence)

STRENGTH: Prescribe DIET & EXERCISE
(Physical Health / Energy, endurance, muscle, vitals, etc.)


Health is not as linear as many think it to be - it's more circular. All influence and interact with each other. Not enough sleep and your mind and body don't get enough rest influencing your mental health and physical health. Less clear thinking least to poor choices, less physical energy determines how you feel about the things you do. Self talk affects your mental health, and maybe even social interactions. Affects the quality of service you  do, all spiraling into all kinds of disasters.

If each of the these 4 elements were properly understood and cared for - the quality of our daily relationships, service and interdependence between each other.

I'd like to report 4 high priority goals and return to measure my progress. The 4 goals to hopefully improve the quality of my service as a Son of God, Husband, Father, Church Member, Employee/Employer, Community Member, and Friend, are as follows:

Heart: Play - Discover hobbies or other healthy interests besides video games

Might: Atonement - Come to discover my Savior better by getting in and studying his word through words of the living prophets more and pulling principles from the scriptures daily if not at least weekly.

Mind: Sleep - get at least 6 hours of sleep a night.  No matter what.

Strength: Diet & Exercise - Find physical movement that feels delicious to my body and soul and develop a consistent exercise regiment. Also keep to a 4 plate diet, testing my blood sugar to avoid becoming diabetic and needing insulin shots. Checking my fasting blood sugar daily will keep me motivated and informed on how I'm doing on a daily basis.


Lastly, in the comments section, if you wish, does anyone want to join me on my adventure and share your 4 goals? I firmly believe keeping these 4 elements of our lives will greatly influence the quality of our daily purposes as individuals. Thank you for your continued support in reading, until next time.

Become: A turning point from depression to renewed hope!

I'lI never forget what my grandmother said
On her third maybe fourth to last deathbed.
See, she was always dying, hanging on for dear life,
Always has been since my mom was what? Thirteen?

But here she was at age ninety-one
Having suffered a stroke, left arm and throat, numb.
Had to relearn how to speak and make words
She said to me in her half-broken speech,

"I'm a yo-yo," she said, "I've been as low as they go,
But I always bounce back, albeit less high as time goes.
And soon, I'lI be layed down in the dust,
But not today! I've got lots of string left!

I marvel at that - having been through so much,
To bounce back each time, just under enough?
How I wished at the time I could transform her world
Like something seen out of Dr Strange or Inception, you know?

I'd rotate the whole world,
Turn it up on its head so,
Each time the yo-yo was released,
It would drop upwards instead.

And every time it would come back down
It'd be a little less low, rising higher each round
But it was all in my head; a fantasy of mental speak
Only real in my mind so, so far from my reach.

I'll never forget that morning she died.
She came into my mind by a dream to say, "Good-bye."
I greived and awoke to note the time,
And later learned it was the exact time that she died.

How powerfully complex is our network of minds -
Whether science unexplained or something more divine -
That a soul so close to us in life
Might reach across the cosmos to communicate death,
In the very moment of their passing?

Might I then underestimate the power of my own mind;
In my dark moments, yo-yoing in and out of depression?
My grandmother was out of my reach, but my depression
Begins and ends in my own miraculous mind!

Unrestrained by mortal limitations and laws
I can flip things around! "[My] future is as bright as [my] faith."
Darkness must flee before light.
No lie retains substance when truth is laid bare.

And the truth about depression is - that it's fed by our minds.
The same mind that connects us in powerful ways.
The same power that enables us to rewrite our own futures
As if from a screen where all that limits us is
The infinite potential of our own limitless imagination!

We are not what we have imagined to be.
We are.
We can be.
We will be our best selves imaginable.

Become.
Become.
Become.